08.27.2005 A-Rod hits #38, puts entire team on his back

08.26.2005 Schilling better at giving interviews than pitching

.910 OPS Against
(every hitter becomes Gary Sheffield)

6.89 ERA

1.55 WHIP

$14,500,000 annual salary
 
 
 
 
 
 

08.25.2005 When people say you can't pitch in New York, tell them about...

08.24.2005 The 2-hole

Torre reshuffled the Yankee lineup moving Hideki Matsui to the 2-hole.  Why?

"Second has been a spot that we've been messing around with," Torre said. "He's one of our better hitters, so we wanted to give him an extra at-bat." (Source)

Interestingly enough, Tony Womack has made more plate appearances at the 2-hole than at any other position in the batting order.  He has made 142 PAs at #2.  But then again, "he's one of our better hitters, so we wanted to give him an extra at-bat."
 

08.22.2005 Mind-boggling

ESPN.COM Poll: Results as of 8/22/05, 10:05pm

Q: Who most deserves to be on the hot seat in New York?

50.7% Players not playing up to potential
33.9% Front office for personnel moves
6.20% Ownership for level of support and commitment
4.70% Joe Torre for managerial decisions or style
4.50% Fans with unrealistic expectations

Only 4.70%...
 

8.22.2005 Cowardly Carl?

Source: Newsday

"The idea is going around that the case of Carl Pavano's shoulder was solved. Well, not exactly. All three surgeons who examined him found no structural problems. One radiologist suggested he may have seen a problem spot somewhere between the shoulder and elbow, but it was not spotted by the three surgeons...

If a player has pain and can't pitch effectively, you give him the benefit of the doubt. But this news certainly doesn't allay questions that were already in the clubhouse about whether Pavano is right for New York."
 
 
 

08.21.2005 Randy stinks

 

08.21.2005 Cashman sought by authorities in robbery investigation

Colorado authorities are looking to question Yankees GM Brian Cashman due to his possible involvement in the theft of Shawn Chacon.  Chacon, 27, was acquired by New York on July 29th and has pitched incredibly.  In 33 innings, he has a 1.64 ERA.

The Yankees gave Colorado two minor leaguers in exchange for a young pitcher who could be a staple in the rotation for years to come.  If you have any information on Cashman's whereabouts, please call the Colorado State Police.

The Colorado Rockies released this surveillance video.  Is this Cashman?
 

08.19.2005 The Torre Lessons

Lesson #1

08.19.2005 Gordon: "I can't pitch everyday."

Source: NY Times

Gordon said Tuesday that he was experiencing a dead arm.."I can't go every day," Gordon said. "I wish I could."

And what about Tanyon?

Sturtze seemed to be muscling the ball, attempting to generate velocity that was not coming naturally.

08.17.2005 The New York Yankees: Making Bad Pitchers Look Good Since 2005

Doug Waechter: Career ERA 5.21, Career ERA+ 88
vs. the Yankees:  9.0 innings, 1 earned run, 106 pitches
 

08.16.2005 Gifted

Another night, another home run...Alex Rodriguez continued his assault on American League pitching by hitting his 36th HR vs. Tampa Bay.  A-Rod now leads the AL in OPS (1.033) and VORP (66.7).

However, despite these statistical accolades, Alex is not a True Yankee.  I think we would all take Eric Hinske over A-Rod anyday.

08.16.2005 Jaret impresses in return

In his return to the rubber, Yankee pitcher Jaret Wright pitched 6 1/3 innings while allowing only 4 hits and 2 runs in a 5-2 victory over the Devil Rays. Tampa Bay's bats were kept silent by the oft-injured hurler.

Devil Rays DH King Hippo stated about Wright, "Do you like my new trunks? They are size XXX Large! Ha Ha Ha!"  However, Tampa's manager Piston Honda was not pleased that Jaret hit two D-Rays' batters, "You should wear a helmet when you fight me!"

Wright celebrates after striking out Travis Lee
 

08.15.2005 Wright returns from rehab, will start against Tampa

For the first time in nearly four months, Jaret Wright will be taking the mound for the Yanks.  Wright, who was signed by the Yankees even though he failed his first physical, has been out with a right shoulder strain.

Wright during his rehab.
 

08.11.2005 No defensive replacement for Bernie?

Bernie Williams makes the last out in the bottom of the ninth.  For the top of the 10th, one would assume that Torre would make a defensive substitution, replacing the aging center fielder with Bubba Crosby.  Alas, he does not.  White Sox SS, Juan Uribe, hits a catchable ball that Bernie cannot track down.  It falls for a triple.  Uribe then scores on a ground ball to second.  Yankees lose.

Stupid is as stupid does.
 

08.11.2005 Now playing in theaters everywhere...

Still hitting 6th
 

08.10.2005 Steinbrenner rips Torre, remodels dugout

We all know that Yankees owner, George Steinbrenner, publicly critiqued Joe Torre's decision to leave Alan Embree in against Paul Konerko.  However, NoMaas' investigative team has discovered that The Boss had a new sign installed into the Yankees dugout, specifically directed at "Four Rings™".

08.09.2005 The Best Around

Mo: 0.92 ERA, .401 OPS Against, 9.92 K/9, 0.73 WHIP
 

08.07.2005 Where in the batting order would you put the best hitter in the American League?

Jason Giambi now leads the American League with an OPS of 1.021.  Where would you hit him?

08.07.2005 Torre discovers fire, burns bullpen

With a 6-0 lead over Toronto, Joe Torre elected to use his best relievers in a game that was already decided.  Tanyon Sturtze, who has already pitched in more games this season than in any other year of his career, continued to show his fatigue as his velocity appeared to be signficantly decreased.  Tom Gordon also looked weak as he allowed two hits and one run in 1.1 innings.

The Yankees have two days off from here to October 3rd: Thursday, August 18th and not again until the second week of September.  As Torre continues to use the Yankees' best relievers in inappropriate situations, the bullpen becomes more of a liability for this team.
 

08.06.2005 NoMaas Breaking News: Dbacks Scammed Yankees

The blockbuster trade that sent the game's best pitcher to the Yankees has been revealed to be a major scam.  After another horrible "Johnson" start versus Toronto, Yanks GM Brian Cashman received an anonymous phone call stating that the Bronx Bombers had been fooled.

"The caller told me that the Dbacks had the real Randy Johnson frozen in carbonite for future use.  Upon doing some research, I realized that Arizona had given us Randolph Johnstone.  Randolph is the complete opposite of Randy.  He's polite, refined, groomed, likes Beethoven, and does not enjoy making hitters look foolish." Cashman told NoMaas.

Cashman has filed a complaint with Commissioner Bud Selig.  However, if MLB follows normal procedure, they will do what they can to stick it to the Yankees.

Randolph Johnstone
 

08.06.2005 You can't stop Aaron Small...

You can only hope to contain him.

Aaron Small coming up big since his promotion: 3-0, 3.15 ERA
 

08.05.2005 Incredible

Two more HRs, OPS now over 1.000...Can we please move him up in the batting order?
 

8.03.2005 Let's play: WHEEL-OF-RELIEF

Today's contestant is Al Leiter.

Host: "Mr. Leiter, here is the situation.  You have pitched 2 innings and walked 5 batters, including the first three hitters to start off the 3rd.  You have shown no command of the strike zone.  What will Joe Torre do?"

Leiter: "He will leave me in."
Host: "That is correct and you will proceed to let up a base-clearing double to Ronnie Belliard."
 

08.03.2005 Giambi leads AL in EqA

According to Baseball Prospectus, Jason Giambi is leading the American League in EqA (Equivalent Average).  Giambi currently has an EqA of .347.

EqA: A measure of total offensive value per out, with corrections for league offensive level, home park, and team pitching (from Baseball Prospectus).

08.03.2005 NoMaas Poster of the Month

When we added our comments board, our goal was to provide a mechanism in which people could offer their opinions on this site.  Not only has that been the case, but some visitors have provided wonderful insight into the baseball world.  The value that they have brought is remarkable.  Thus, in recognition of these analytical minds, we present to you the NoMaas Poster of the Month Award.

This month's winner:

Quotes taken from the NoMaas comments board:

Die Hard Sox Fan:
"Oh yeah, the farm system hasn’t produced anyone? Nixon, Varitek, Youkilis, Arroyo and a slew of other young guys that will be wiping you out for years to come."

Reality: Varitek & Arroyo were not products of the Red Sox farm system.  Varitek came from Seattle and Arroyo came from Pittsburgh.  Also, what key contributions has Youkilis made?
Does he cheer Boston on from Pawtucket?

Die Hard Sox Fan:
"It’s a post 2004 world."

Word is born, my friend.  Word is born.
 

08.01.2005 BUSTED: Schilling tests positive for Viagra

Major League Baseball announced today that Red Sox pitcher, Curt Schilling, has tested positive for the performance-enhancing drug, Viagra. As a result, Schilling has been prohibited from participating in sports radio interviews for the next 10 days.  Schilling is the highest-profile player to be reprimanded under baseball's new testing policy.

The makers of EverQuest had no comment.
 

08.01.2005 Let the truth be told

After being DFA'd instead of Wayne Franklin, former Yankees reliever, Buddy Groom, unleashed a large dosage of criticism on Joe Torre, echoing the sentiments of many Yankee fans:

"I wouldn't encourage anybody that's thinking about coming here [New York]. Don't come here thinking you're going to get any opportunities. Because unless you're one of Joe's boys, you're not. It was the same way last year in Baltimore with (Lee) Mazzilli, because this is where he learned it." (Source)

Remember Todd Zeile?
 

8.01.2005 An absolute beast

.445 OBP / .553 SLG / .998 OPS

08.01.2005 Thank you, Brian.

Thank you for not giving into the pressure.  Thank you for protecting our young assets.  You are turning this organization into the force that it should be.

Cashman: A Great American Hero
 

07.31.2005 Brawl in Beantown

"The source said that before that game, which was started by Tampa Bay's Seth McClung, David Ortiz said aloud to Schilling, ``Man, that guy's got some nasty stuff,'' to which Schilling supposedly responded, ``Yeah, that's why Manny took the day off.'' Ramirez then supposedly said to Schilling, ``Screw you, I can hit anyone in baseball, including your ass.'' Then, the source said, Ramirez went up to Schilling and, before the confrontation escalated, Ortiz had to separate the two." (Source)

Photo taken in Boston clubhouse
 

07.30.2005 Yankees sign lefty specialist

At the insistence of manager Joe Torre, the Yankees signed left-hander Aron Ralston.  Ralston, who amputated his own right arm during a hiking accident, impressed Torre with his toughness.  "It took a lot of guts to do what he did.  That shows he'll be able to come through in critical situations against tough lefties like David Ortiz and Garret Anderson. Also, come October, he'll have hit 30, which is critical for postseason success.  And, most importantly, you'll notice he throws with his left-hand."

Left-hander Alex Graman will be sent back to AAA to make room for Ralston.  "He needs some more major league experience before I can trust him in major league games," commented Torre.  When asked to clarify how it would be possible to get major league experience in AAA, Torre said "Mer, uh, well-" and was cut off when his hair combusted and he was forced to run out of the room.  Ralston will be assigned the number 1/2, the first fraction issued since the 3'7" Eddie Gaedal wore 1/8 for the St. Louis Browns in 1951.
 

07.27.2005 Joe bakes a cake for Arod

"Not only is it a birthday for Alex, it's his 30th birthday," Torre remarked. "It was driving me crazy that he was only 29.  Now I can trust him.  He is a True Yankee™!"

07.26.2005 Randy Johnson signs endorsement deal with Hostess; eats Twinkies

Randy Johson struck out 11 Twins over 8 IP.
 

07.24.2005 Los Angeles Sacramento San Francisco Oakland San Diego Fresno San Jose Angels of Anaheim go for sweep

07.21.2005 Wayne Franklin sent down; Torre upset because he is over 30

After a very unsuccessful stint with the big club, Wayne Franklin was optioned to Columbus by GM Brian Cashman, while left-hander Alex Graman was called up.   Torre was obviously disappointed in Franklin's demotion as Four Rings™ prefers to keep the average age of the roster as high as possible.  According to MLB.com:

"Torre sounded disappointed, saying that Franklin pitched well Tuesday except for the one pitch to Blalock. But the 31-year-old lefty has struggled in five appearances with the Yankees, compiling a 12.27 ERA.

"When Brian calls and says, 'This is what we're doing,' [then] that's what we're doing," Torre said. "I work for people just like everybody else. " (Source)

Graman, 27, is another blow to Torre's goal of registering the Yankees with the AARP.

Cashman provides Torre with additional summer reading.
 

07.20.2005 Torre beats Yankees 2-1

With the Yankees ahead 1-0 in the bottom of the eighth and the heart of the Rangers' order due up, Joe Torre decided to bring in Wayne Franklin.  Franklin, a 31 year old recently called up from AAA, sports a sparkling 12.27 ERA with a majestic 1.250 OPS against.

Hank Blalock proceeded to hit a 2-run HR.

07.20.2005 NoMaas Medical Breakthrough: The Mystery of Kevin Brown's back

After Kevin Brown deliberately ignored his teammates' high-5s when he came off the mound in Monday's win over Texas, NoMaas subjected the chronically-injured veteran to a variety of tests and physical challenges.  It was discovered that Brown's infamous back ailments are not due to his unorthodox delivery to home plate, nor can they be attributed to the rigors of a long major league career.  Rather, his chronic back pain is a result of carrying too much weight over the course of his lifetime.  Brown has lived a laborious lifestyle hauling such things as mining supplies, small children, rugs, water canteens, shovels, and illegal immigrants.

07.19.2005 Rangers visit Mt. Slugmore

07.19.2005 What a long and strange trip

07.18.2005 Messin' with Texas

07.18.2005 One parting shot

Boston fan proposing to Gary Sheffield.  After all, it is Massachusetts.
 

07.18.2005 Visa debuts new commercial

"Yankees Suck" T-shirt = $15
 
 
 
 
 
 

"Yankees Suck" gingerbread   house = $25
 
 
 
 
 

Taking 3 out of 4 at Fenway =  Priceless
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

07.18.2005 Dan Shaughnessy, the Prophet

"It's OK to say it. Don't worry about jinxing them. The 2005 Red Sox are going to win the American League East. By a landslide. Come late September, this is going to look like Secretariat at the Belmont in 1973.

After looking up at the Orioles for two frustrating months, the Sox moved into first place Friday night and they are there to stay. Stop worrying about the Yankees, Orioles, and Jays. It's not even going to be close." - Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe

Any more predictions, Dan?
 

07.17.2005 NoMaas Special Report:  Varitek's "C"

NoMaas has been engaged in a season-long, covert operation to find out the meaning of the "C" located on Jason Varitek's uniform.  Varitek, also known as "The Man Who Fights With His Mask On", has been able to keep the significance of the letter a secret.  However, NoMaas has obtained the following photograph which solves the mystery of the infamous "C".

For a full briefing, please click here.
 

07.17.2005 Hasta la vista, baby.

07.17.2005 BoSox fans in monster seats to wear body armor

Due to a barrage of air assaults by Gary Sheffield and Alex Rodriguez, Red Sox fans in the overpriced "Monster" seats have purchased a large supply of body armor.  When asked about the purpose of the protective gear, one fan named "Sully" remarked:  "Yah dude.  Sheff's ball hit the wall so hahd that beeah fell ovah.  And Arod, he hit my buddy Smitty right in the ahm."

In the monster seats, Sox fans react to hearing the news that Burger King is open late.
 

07.16.2005 Recap

  17
 
 
 
 
 
 

   1
 
 
 
 
 
 

07.15.2005 Arod: "Welcome back, Curt."

07.15.2005 Arroyo blames sound guy for poor performance

Fresh off his concert at a Boston nightclub, Red Sox rockstar Bronson Arroyo served up 3 HRs in 5.2 innings in a loss to the New York Yankees.  When asked what went wrong, Arroyo responded "I really wanted more bass and less treble during that at-bat versus Sheffield.  And then with Giambi, my word, my monitor speakers were way off."

Boston starter, Bronson Arroyo, warming up in the bullpen before the Yankees-Sox game.
 

07.14.2005 Yankee pitchers watch video of Ortiz

Since 2002, David Ortiz has a whopping 1.022 OPS versus the Yankees.  In preparation for the upcoming series, Yankee pitchers were sent to a special video session in the hopes of identifying a weakness in Ortiz's hitting approach.

07.14.2005 "Dominican" Arod causes chain reaction

Despite being born and raised in the United States, Alex Rodriguez emphatically declared, "I am a Dominican" and will be playing for the Dominican Republic in baseball's first World Classic (Source).  Arod's proclamation has set off a chain reaction around baseball.  Sources have told NoMaas that the United States will no longer be represented in the tournament, as every "American" player will be playing for the team of their ancestral origin.

John Flaherty - Ireland                                          Jason Giambi - Italy
 

07.12.2005 You damn right.

"This is what we want," Sheffield said. "The way we're playing right now, you want to play the first-place team and take back the division." (Source)
 

07.12.2005 It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...

"We have to get back to doing what made the Yankees so good for such a long period beginning in the '90s," said Cashman. "We're in the position we're in because we stopped developing our own young players."

""The first thing Cabrera did when Cano came up was thank him for giving everyone in the organization hope. People in the organization felt that it sent a breath of fresh air down through every level. We do have young players, good ones, and the players now know we're willing to give them opportunities if they perform." (Source)
 

07.10.2005 I must break you.

07.08.2005 Gammons Flunks Baseball IQ Test

NoMaas sources are telling us that Peter "The Icon" Gammons flunked a recent baseball IQ test.  When asked to write an essay about the Yankees' minor league system, Gammons responded:  "The Yankees have no farm.  They have no major-league ready talent."  With rookies Chien-Ming Wang, Robinson Cano, and Melky Cabrera all playing signficant roles on the major league club, Gammons was completely wrong.

Word on the street is that Rob Neyer, Baseball America, the entire crew of Baseball Tonight, the Boston Herald, Jayson Stark, and all Red Sox fans also failed the test.

07.08.2005 Yo Melky!  It's me, Cash.

It appears that the New York faction is wrestling more power away from the Tampa faction.  Twenty-year old prospect, Melky Cabrera, has been called up to the Boogie Down Bronx to become the Yankees new CF.  Cashman's desire to bring more youth to the club is becoming reality.  Good luck Melky.

In a recent interview by NoMaas, Cashman was asked why he decided to call up Melky Cabrera.
His reply: "Oh, I made that up one night while I was eating dinner."
 

07.08.2005 Gotham terrorized by Riddler

Yankees pitching coach, Mel Stottlemyre, kept all Yankee fans and followers in suspense Wednesday by delivering news in cryptic fashion about hurler Carl Pavano.  "It's a guessing game," said Stottlemyre when asked how to remedy Pavano's pitching problems.  Carl has failed to throw as many as seven innings in any of his last seven starts, but a recent MRI showed no injury.  Pavano, like the rest of us, will have to figure this one out on his own.  If he can solve this enigma, it will be proof positive that he is the World's Greatest Detective. (Source)
 

07.06.2005 He's baaaccckkkk.

Since June 1st, Jason Giambi has a .479 OBP and a .575 SLG.  That's good for a monster OPS of 1.054!  In celebration of the best #6 hitter in baseball, the Yankees have released a limited edition DVD:

07.01.2005 NoMaas Statistical Breakthrough: Ring Index

Move over Bill James.  There's a new innovate thinker in town.  He is NoMaas staff member, Frank Torre.  Deep in his laboratory, he has devised a new breakthrough method of evaluating baseball players: The Ring Index.  Click here to learn more.
 

06.30.2005Rained out

06.29.2005Torre off to see the wizard

Making another mind-boggling decision, Joe Torre elected to bring in Yankee dynasty leftover Mike Stanton in the bottom of the 10th in a crucial game with Baltimore.  Stanton then proceeded to surrender a walk-off HR to Brian Roberts.

After the game, Torre left the clubhouse in search of the Wizard of Oz.  When a reporter caught up to the Yankee manager, already two miles down the Yellow Brick Road, Torre stated: "I want the Wizard to give me a brain."

06.29.2005Who Has the Power?

Yankees fans eagerly await the results of the Tampa meeting:

New York faction

VS.

Tampa faction
 

06.28.2005 NoMaas Exclusive Interview with First Base

NoMaas staff member, Sensei John Kreese, sat down for an exclusive interview with the first base bag at Yankee Stadium.  Here is what First Base had to say:

On Don Mattingly: "It was a pleasure to work with him.  He protected me very well.  If someone tried to slide into me, he always hit them with his glove."

On the return of Tino Martinez: "Nice to have Tino back.  He is a class act."

On Tony Womack: "Who?  I don't think I've ever met him."

Always one for a soundbyte.
 

06.23.2005 Grand Opening: Carl Pavano's Dead Fish Market

You like seafood?  Well, come on down to Carl Pavano's Dead Fish market.  We have the best dead fish you can find.  Plus, we sell all the fishing supplies you need, including tackle.  This week we have a sale on sinkers that don't sink.  Don't miss out!

06.23.2005 Yankees announce free T-shirt day

To increase fan morale, the Yankees will be giving away free T-shirts to the first 25,000 fans who arrive at Thursday's game.
 

06.22.2005 Randy continues to serve his favorite dish, but the real Sheff changes the menu.

Randy Johnson whipped up another batch of his signature dish, but Gary Sheffield (2 HRs, 7 RBIs) cooked up another entree as he led the Yankees back from an 8-run deficit against Tampa Bay.

06.21.2005 A New Hope

"If the Yankees make a trade before the July 31 nonwaiver deadline, they will probably do so with only minor leaguers or major league veterans. The veteran left fielder Tony Womack may be dealt soon, but two rookies, starter Chien-Ming Wang and second baseman Robinson Cano, are all but untouchable.

I can't see myself recommending us trading them at all," Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman said, referring to Wang and Cano. "I'd be surprised if there was anything that would get me to change that. I can only control what I recommend, but that's something I don't see." (Source)

"Trading our best prospects?  A Jedi craves not these things."
 

06.18.2005 Another Yankee trade proposal rejected

When the Yankees' proposal to San Diego was rejected (Womack for a bag of peanut M&Ms), Brian Cashman tried to get creative.  He contacted Bill Ferguson, the manager of Jim's Hardware in the Boise, Idaho T-ball league.  Cashman proposed a Womack-for-Kimball deal.  Young Howie Kimball is 3rd in the Little Sluggers league with a .502 OBP.  The proposal was quickly rejected.  Bill Ferguson commented on the proposed deal saying "Womack has great speed and he makes "Things" happen, but Howie is 31 years younger and has shown some promise."  The dog was not included in the proposal.

  for
 

06.18.2005 Halsey speaks out

Young Arizona Diamondback left-hander, Brad Hasley, spoke about being a prospect in the Yankee farm system.  Halsey was traded to Arizona in the Randy Johnson deal.

"During a recent interview, Halsey suggested a young pitcher can easily get lost in the Yankees organization and lose his confidence.

Halsey was in the New York farm system and because the Yankees have a penchant for going outside to bring in big-name, high-priced talent via free agency, he said many of the team's minor leaguers felt abandoned and couldn't wait to get traded.

Halsey felt similar feelings after posting a 17-9 record in the minors during the 2003 season.

"You win 17 games and you can't even get an invite to spring training," Halsey said of the Yankees. "They don't know who a lot of their minor leaguers are, which is unfortunate."

When Halsey was promoted, he introduced himself to manager Joe Torre and pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre, and Halsey said neither recognized him." (Source)
 

06.18.2005 Break out the violin

Tony "Things" Womack is at it again, whining about his role on the Yankees.  This .555 OPS hitter apparently doesn't agree with how the Yankees are utilizing him.  Surely, the Yankees can find a way to better use a player who has an early 80s porn mustache.

""Man, nothing surprises me on this team," Womack said. "It's all about winning. That's all that matters." (Source)
 

Tony Womack autographed Fleer card, valued by Beckett at -$2.50
 

06.15.05 "Out of the loop"

On WFAN's Mike & the Mad Dog, former Yankee GM and architect of the most recent Yankee dynasty, Gene "Stick" Michael, made some very depressing comments.  Still employed by the Yankees, Stick indicated that he was now "out of the loop" in the organization's decision-making. He was not consulted on any off-season transactions.  Michael, who built the Yankee dynasty through smart acquisitions and minor league development, sounded completely dumbfounded as to why Steinbrenner & Co. cut him out.

The Man Who Built the Yankee Dynasty
 

06.14.05 Yankee trade proposal rejected

"Tony Womack has not played second base since May 1, and he is starting to be irritated about it. Asked if he would at least like to play second when Robinson Cano sits, Womack said, "I don't know what goes on," then threw up his hands and walked away." (Source)

In response to his obvious frustration, Brian Cashman tried to accomodate Tony "He Makes Things^TM Happen" Womack by attempting to trade him to San Diego, who lost their starting second baseman Mark Loretta to a thumb injury.  Cashman proposed the following trade, but it was quickly rejected by the Padres' front office.

FOR 
 
 

06.12.05 There are some things money can't buy...

For everything else, there's Tony Womack.

.291 OBP = $4,000,000
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

.279 SLG = $4,000,000
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The fact that Tony Womack is a multi-millionaire = Priceless.
 
 

06.11.05 Where is the old Boss?

Where is the old George Steinbrenner and can someone please bring him back, at least temporarily?

"Joe Torre's job is safe," Steinbrenner said Friday through his publicist, Howard Rubenstein. "He's safe at home." (Source)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

06.09.05 The world sees it, why can't you?

Joe, please.  How can you not see it?  Please take Bernie out of center field.  How many more runs are you going to allow score with him out there?  Let him go out with some dignity.  He's like a horse with a broken leg.  Again, in the most recent game vs. Milwaukee, Lyle Overbay hit a flyball that would have been caught by an average center fielder, but instead it fell for a game-tying double.
 

Obviously not a management major.
 

06.08.05 Yankees? Yankees?  Anyone?  Yankees?

The start of the MLB amateur draft was delayed by 5 minutes because the Yankees had not yet arrived to their post.
 

06.08.05 You are invited

...to Randy Johnson's summer beach blast.  There will be plenty of entertainment.  And Randy will be serving up lots of hot dogs, burgers, and home runs.  So come on down and tell your friends.  Javy Vazquez and Brad Halsey, if you're reading this, you are not invited.

6.05.05 "Oh Yeah." Michael Kay loves Kool-Aid

Yankee mouthpiece, Michael Kay, comments on keeping Russ Johnson on the roster vs. Andy Phillips:

"If you remember, both Johnson and Phillips were on the team at the same time and a roster move had to be made. The Yankees have options on Phillips but do not have an option on Johnson. If they had tried to send Johnson down they would have had to expose him to waivers and they probably would have lost him. They are not ready to do that and they feel the difference between the two is not that great that you would sacrifice one for the other.

Also, Johnson is a bit more versatile than Phillips. One other thing, Phillips is still a youngster while Johnson is 32, and they feel Phillips' progression and growth would be better served playing every day and getting at-bats in Triple A." (Source)
 

6.04.05 Joe, please stop it

The Yankees currently have a 6 game losing streak.  In order to give this team the best chance of winning, Torre decides to put two of the worst hitters in baseball at the top of the Yankees lineup:

Womack LF
Sanchez SS
Sheffield RF
Matsui CF
A-Rod 3B
Giambi DH
Tino 1B
Flaherty C
Cano 2B
 

6.04.05 Fire Torre

His lineup construction is a joke.  His 1950s baseball philosophy doesn't work.  His situational strategy is horrendous.  His pitching coach ruins young pitchers.  Other teams are allowed to hit Yankee batters with no retaliation.  He got outmanaged by Terry Francona in the ALCS.  This team has no sense of urgency.  They got swept by the worst team in baseball.  They are 0-25 this year when trailing after 8 innings.

Enough is enough.

Fire Torre.
 

Elmo: "Joe, don't you realize that Bernie can't play CF anymore?"

Joe: "I've won 4 rings with him."
 

6.04.05 My grandmother hits harder than that

With his slugging percentage now at .298, I would just like to announce that my grandmother hits harder than Tony Womack.

My Grandmother
 

5.31.05 Cash to the Rescue

""It was all defense," Cashman said. "This team is supposed to be built around pitching. You support the pitching with defense, and we were getting hurt on the defensive side."

"... storm clouds are on the horizon if we keep just staying old," Cashman said. "You've got to reinvent yourself with youth and mix them in with the veterans, instead of going all veterans."

"I'm not looking to trade these guys [Cano & Wang], because we do have to be younger, and trading them for some quick fix is contrary to the long-term goal that's necessary here," Cashman said. "But we take every decision at that moment in time and weigh it. I'm not interested in moving these guys, but at the same time, they don't have any no-trades, and I don't make all the decisions."
(Source)

Amen, Cash, Amen.
 

5.31.05 Russ Johnson has naked pictures of Torre

How else can you explain the following comments by Torre?

"He's been in the big leagues before. He's one of those guys who is going to get dirty and play the game hard," Torre said of Johnson. "He's a hard-nosed little guy. He's going to do whatever he can to stay here and fill whatever role you need." (Source)

You seriously cannot make this stuff up.  By the way, Andy Phillips hit another HR at Columbus.
 

5.31.05 Torre: "I'd rather give a guy with 4 HRs more ABs than Alex Rodriguez."

It is a proven fact that the higher a position a player has in the batting order, the more ABs he will see over the course of a game and season.

Many Yankee fans have been wondering why Alex Rodriguez, arguably the best hitter in the American League this season, has been hitting 5th.  To our surprise, Joe Torre moved him to the cleanup spot for the last game of the Boston series.  Could Joe have come to the realization that perhaps he should get Arod more ABs and put him in a better position to drive runners in?  Check out his comments after the game:

"I like the way we're lined up with Matsui hitting fourth." - Torre on keeping Arod permanently at the #4 spot vs. #5. (Source)

For more on Torre's bizzaro lineups, read Daniel LaRusso's commentary.
 

5.30.05 Murderer's Row 2005

Move over Ruth, Gehrig, and Lazzeri.  There's a new triple threat in the Bronx.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you Tony Womack, Rey Sanchez, and mighty Russ Johnson.  In the rubber game of the 3-game series with Boston, Commander Torre decides to go out with guns blazing and insert 3 automatic outs into the lineup.  My bowels make better moves than Joe Torre
 

5.30.05 A fan's recap of the last Boston game

Taken from a Yankees message board:

"You know what...I stopped watching this game in the 2nd because Bad Moose was here and Cano wasn’t in the lineup meaning I have no reason to watch this piece of #### team. Then, I turn it back on to find out Wang has held the fort beautifully and I’m thinking I’m going to get to see him close the game out with his economical as always pitch count. However, he allows a bloop single and then a runner reaches on what should be an error by E-Rod only to be taken out by Joe #### Torre…

Torre, #### you. His pitch count was not high and it’s not like he’s going to pitch any #### time soon since you keep skipping him in the rotation in favor of people who aren’t as effective you stupid piece of ####. To compound matters, you bring in Mike #### Stanton who is #### done. It’s over Torre, this isn’t the Stanton of the late 90s, he sucks. No matter how #### hard you want him to be your stupid #### LOOGY, he won’t be. He sucks in general and he sucks at being a LOOGY, so STOP #### BRINGING HIM IN THE GAME. Stop making stupid #### decisions with this #### team you piece of ####, I wish I could kill you.

And before I forget, why the #### is Bernie Williams allowed to play CF???? He can’t do it anymore, he sucks at it, can’t Torre #### see this, does he not watch the #### games he should be #### managing????????"
 

5.25.05 Poor Andy Phillips

With all the ridiculous decisions that this front office and coaching staff has made, nothing is more disgusting than what this organization has done with Andy Phillips.  No matter what this kid does, Joe "Green Tea" Torre & Co. refuse to keep him on the MLB roster.  The Yankees 2004 Minor League Player of the Year & AAA All-Star Game MVP hit 26 HRs at Columbus with a .957 OPS.  He then has a monster spring and only made the team because Kevin Brown was put on the disabled list.  Then, when Ruben Sierra returns from the DL, the Yankees elect to send Andy Phillips back down to Columbus and keep the 32-year old Russ Johnson on the roster.  We all know how Torre likes his "veterans."  What does Andy do?  In 5 games at Columbus, he is hitting .409 with a 1.208 OPS!!  Hey Cash!  Either call this kid back up or trade him!  Don't let him rot in the minors!!!
 

5.23.05 Toddler hits more balls out of the infield than Tony Womack

The season-long slump for Jimmy Horowitz continued during the Yankees most recent West Coast trip.  The 5-year old went 3-27 with 8 Ks. However, he did manage to hit 3 balls out of the infield which exceeded multi-millionaire Tony Womack's total by 1.

Horowitz takes a swing at a Rich Harden slider.
 

5.22.05 Rey Sanchez leads the league in Personal Character Average

According to the most recent data, Yankees backup IF Rey Sanchez, 37, leads the American League in Personal Character Average per 9 innings with a whopping .543!!  He is currently on a 14-19 streak with 3 paper cups thrown in the garbage, 4 pats on the buttocks, 6 fist bumps, and 1 very clutch holding the clubhouse door open.  Sanchez currently makes $600,000 while every Yankee minor leaguer would make $316,000 if promoted to the majors.