By Daniel LaRusso
larusso@nomaas.org

Much has been written about optimal lineup construction over the years. It has been shown that the order doesn't have a significant effect on run-scoring. However, there is SOME effect, and a manager's goal should always be to put his team in the best position to win.

Mr. Joseph Green Tea Torre does not care about winning, though. He is an insane and sick individual with no baseball knowledge. I might feel better with John Kruk managing this team right now. At least we'd have a fat coach. Fat coaches are pretty cool.

Let's examine a few of the idiocies...errr....idiocyncracies of Mr. Joseph's lineup constructions this year.

Tony Womack, the second worst hitter on our team (ahead of only Rey-Rey), has consistently hit second. Not only does this mean that Tony will get more ABs this year than Gary Sheffield, Alex Rodriguez, etc; it also means that he is sitting smack dab in the middle of real hitters and kills virtually every rally. His OBP and OPS are both in the low .300's. Is this the kind of player that should be getting more ABs than everyone but Jeter? According to Clueless Joe, yes.

Alex Rodriguez, on the other hand, is eating up AL pitching like David Wells eats up Krispy Kremes. He's got an OPS of ~1.100. He is leading the MLB or is in the top 10 in every major offensive category. Yet Torre deems it appropriate to bat him 5th, behind our very own Groundzilla, who has an OPS of .706. No one believes that Groundzilla will hit this poorly all year, but, SINCE HE IS DOING IT RIGHT NOW, MOVE HIM. Alex is also being protected by the titans that are Bernie "Olde Bonez" Williams and The Remains of Jason Giambi™. Very helpful, Joe.

Tonight (5/31), Mr. Torre has decided to bat (Constan)Tino Martinez cleanup. I think I have figured out what is wrong with Torre. He is so dense that his watch/brain is significantly behind ours. As a result, he thinks players are still doing now what they did weeks/months/years ago. "Yeah, that Tino kid hit lotsa HR this week, better move him up to the 4 spot." "Yeah, that Bernie sure can catch a fly ball. better move Matsui to RF tonight and let young Bernabe play his game out there." "Yeah, Enrique Wilson. Promising young man. Put him wherever he wants to play tonight."

I will not even mention the Great Travesty of 2005™, which occurred on Sunday night when Torre played Womack, Russ Johnson, and Rey Sanchez on the same night. against Boston. in a real baseball game. If Flaherty had been in the lineup, my brain would have imploded.

Joseph Torre, you are a sick man.